end of another chapter

yesterday we got our farewell yes its the official get lost from here to us by our college ;) , well it was not that hash to us, they just told we are idd and 5 or 6 times made and on stage announcement that it might be the farewell for IDDs but yet they came, nevertheless we got it , we will miss all of them yet we are not passing out this very year with them, some faces were beautiful, some were refreshing some were moody and some were roody but all of them had there part to play in my life's script    

love is beautiful

well i have not felt this feeling of love but, i know its feeling is beautiful, what curse it give is the after math of the love break up, i have this feeling quite a lot of time but it was not worthy to call love in all those feelings the most cute feeling i had is of my junior kg crush, dam its quite funny i know but i had a crush in my junior kg , she was new in class and i was monitor of class and was well mannered boy in class too plus i was center stage guy too, in every game raj, in every event raj, studies raj, saving from bullies raj, so class teacher made her to sit beside me, initial 2 days went in frnd-ship and then we got frnds, she use to imitate me, when we use to sit together in class, and then in annual event she became my dance partner in duate dance, and then like every love story it has to end ;( her family got transferd or she moved to another school dont know but she left, but left her impression on my mind, seriously speaking i have a deep desire to met her again, and a soft corner to fall in love with her, it seems quite silly then silly it is, but it wont happen i remembered but she wont be remembering any of this not even my name, i remember her name still, after all she was my first crush, i still smile for the first day i saw her she was soo cute all childs are cute but even then i remember her face expression still when she entered our class, i will never forget u hope we meet , and hope u remember me 

u cant escape your wrongs

yep its too said earlier, i m not the inovator of  this idea but it feels true when we once feel it in real life, i m fighting for my right, it not a big deal like i have to give a great deal of effort its a small effort but before landing the arena:- the real world, i want to have this gutts to clam what is mine, there what all physical power u posses is not worthy, ur efforts and ur determination, here u can complain to the all mighty dean which is 99 per non corrupt but out there every inch of human body u deal with is deeply corrupt and have traded there self respect to the extent we have not even imagined, so its not the 3000/- i m fighting for its gutts i wana build with in me, lets see what happens 99% we have a tough fight, and if nothing happens i have to deal what i say the cowerd way i have write a letter to director, i hate this when i cant solve a problem but what the fuck, whatever matter is do we succeed in my work.

today was the first update on anjali i got on fb, well thats the only place i can get actually, i have not left with enough gutts to like txt her of send her msgs, she wrote a poem far far far better then mine, dam she made me jelous with that poem in the sense that it was way full of emotions , ppls say if u wana be good in art u have to be emotional, well what to say, i cant unprove them cos with this update i just felt the need of emotion in life but i m already having it, its a secret for whom, but its deep deep deep and deeper than deep :) , 
                    "face book its something good we u wana smile just, dont ever get serious with it "

we all have different fantasies

i always wonder y is that newly married grls attract me, i became sure about it recently when i was attracted to this unknown girl and i found her to be married more over mom of baby grl she is like 28  -30 yrs i bet she is younger than what i m expecting, well the point today is what we say our fantasy in exactly something related to our sensing power of our body, grls dont attract me much but i have different taste for newly married grls i find some challenge in them or what ever.
today was a normal day i m doing something related to responsibility, like learning to get my rights, reest of is like fucked up i mean my studies, i need one more chance something i can refreshly start my stuff in shot i want to leave volley ball, i keep saying it but, i dont leve its not that i cant leve it or i have got edicted to it its like i feel responsible for my team untill i m the secy of volley 
 one more day passed no updated of anjali, i think i new this day would come, i m started to getting mean now,i want her like we use to were on moco, i was no worried to impress her nor about what image i must put in front of her coz those day back she did not knew me like this i was a total stranger to her, but now the scenario is different what ever i do i put a image of mine in front of her, that restricts me to be myself to her, i m thinking to call but it will be not right, i prefer waiting, coz i know she is happy to not remember me waiting for 27th april when her exams will be over, and i know she is going to forget me coz its what the fiat i m waiting for , though deep inside i dont want too loose her but what ever, this is life i must move on ans let her too i hate this feeling of moving on, dam 
                     'rastae badal tae hai, rahae badal te hai
                      manjil kae mayenae badal tae hai, 
                      to kabe mel nae wale hum-safar badal tae hai 
                      
                       tanha kar jate hai to tumhare yaad 
                       bus us yaad ka he gum hai 
                       aur ankahe un se he num hai
                     
                     kyun ke na to yaado kae mayenae badal tae hai
                     na un ko yaad kar nae walae badal tae hai'

y to go there where i c ppl have suffered

some told me raj get out there in the world and have some girl frnds , i told i m not in this gf bf stuff dude, he replied y u can hit any one easily u are got some looks, thing call attitude, u can do drama in emergency ;) ,i are player, good physic ,hey hey hey dude stop being gay, if u think i m such then i m already in this world enjoy the life dont u think so, then y to make a gf and give my all the time to her, i have seen ppls going that way claming to have an incredible experience but a last they are aparted and claim to have a un forget ful pain, for me i m kind a ROM once programmed for a lady will do her life time any wonder if i have a gf and get so emotionally attached then,,, y to make my life misery when i know myself.
i have a frnd he is in break up stage i have seen him changing, turning against us for a grl, and drinking stuff in her pain or what ever he balm her to be the reason for drinking, so i have seen this stuff then y to make mistake, y to let a grl in when i cant make her special all my life, 
                                         yae dude let me have my time right now coz when i find my life partner i will have no time to breath to make her feel special evey sec ;)

it have been like a week when anjali have replied my msg , i m think to msg again but it will give wrong indication lets wait, atleast for the time i have some assurance that she will not ignore me , she might be busy whit some thing, off course i m sure with her boy frnd i m happy for her, but parallely not soo much,  

its was a normal day

today was a normal day, but the feeling of exams around the corner kept me thrilled a lil, i got a guest today, a frnd of my bro, i was with her a lil bit of my time and rest of time i was busy with my stuff, she is a good grl i like the spirit of spark in her, she was all alone with out any group to participate with, she came all way alone to here, well i came to know that she was a local near to my city, but like i said 'gorgeous is the spirit we live in ' in this case it was daring rather initiative spirit, 
these day i m thinking about anjali a lot,  mean not in that emotional stuff way but like i have had no updates of her, i should not have her told that i was good enough to judge her, she stopped msing me i tried to msg her she repiled for once but again disappeared like day dream, i try to think rational but what the fk, i get the feeling of ignorance though she is not that grl, she live for relations, till know i have that image of her with me, 
but ppl change i have seen, i myself is the example, my frnd consider me a lot but, really i dont have time but its so lame that i cant even express them with fully truth, well i have changed a lot, in good way and in bad way ppl do and it need,but my remain alive is the spirit, i will always be frnd of my frnds till my last air i breath, coz
                                                  'gorgeous is the spirit we live in '  

it is hard to respect what we earn

many of u will not agree with me today's topic, but it is true that we do is we know the value of what we earn, but do we really respect that, seeing present India scenario i think we Indians have lose to respect the value of what we earn, we have come across lots of scam what we are doing laughing and waiting for next scam to come out so we will get one more finger to point out towards the ruling government, and one more reason either to not take active participation in the voting process or to rule out the ruling government (this is at least ethical). 
Isn't that our pocket money that these greedy dogs playing with, sorry to say but the only respectable Indian if  i am  to say is mr.anna hazarae , though i dont totally agree with the way he was dealing , but now its the only way left with us, we cant be THE BHAGAT SINGH, its not the demand of time we need to stand up and show some respect to ourselves.
some of this i am going in my personal life too what i have earned i am not getting it but i know the value of it coz i have earned it and i will fight for it untill i died or untill i get so humiliated that i lose the value of it
                                          pray for us(indians), pray for india  

ITS A BAD FEELING WHEN U BLAME UR SELF

i have something going on these day with me, i tried to help but what so ever time tried i thought i was helping but the result never came what i wanted rather what we wanted, and it happened ever time i talked to her, yae 'her' she is my sis, i trying to make her understand, i m trying to teach to get rid of her confusion but every time i talk to her she came out with a new output, i always thought it is hard to handle a grl but now i realise it is hard to handle the whole girl specially when u think u should not hurt her feeling, u know what right this time what i m thinking i m feeling like in olden days girls were not given with this much freedom what they were right full for and what they are getting rather enjoying presently i m thinking the same sometime grl pissed off us so much that dam i cant bear them, 
what my biggest dippression towards girls are y are they so much confused, the big of the biggest is y they make things so much complicated, seriously if its right that man are from mars and grls are from veneus then right now i m thinking to attack the planet venues 
i never had a gf, but i so much pissed of with this decent of girl community whom i call sister, that i will never ever have a gf , but coming to point my sis have send me in to thinking to blame myself, i m so much worried that is it my fault that i tried to get rid her of her confusion which is a grls birth right, or that what i want to make her understand she got it all wrong, what ever  i m feeling lil embarassed now and blaming myself :( and it is not good when u blame ur self , take care my lovely lil sis,   

something never changes

i am over with y exams today, will like always after college they never got good, well all is done cant be undone, well i will start my day after exam, it started with a movie of tin-tin i love that character it was my childhood something, well after my gym and yae my volley speaking of volley i am tired of it , these words i have never told with words, turely i want to do something new, these days i m getting a feeling that y life is this shot to learn, i want to learn a lot a lot means a lot different thing, who they work and lots of stuff , but this is also true i m not quite a  fast learner, i always needed my time, well i want to leave volley now but i cant its not a raj way to leave things so emotion less dam y this heart is soo good beating in me, i hate myself to not being shellfish 
                                       today most important local stuff i learned
an innocent girl is more dangerous then a play girl she will always make u like her innocent and u will be a bunny so so so so funny.  
                                                                

the stupidest desire i have

yea u heard it right. todays thought of the is 
                                               "wats the stupidst desire u ever have" 

It started next year, i thought i had lots of many stupid desire, like peeing on mars, when i heard about moons gravity i always wanted to do long jump on moon, thinking of coming back of the girl i loved in my junior class dam she was so innocent those day i just remember her name nothing else, where she is how she is doing she even remember me or not , that not something stupid by the way but last year i went to "PAVAGADH" a holy place near godhra (Gujarat), 
                                                      story from my father  


i heard the story of pavagadh from my father there, this place is related to maa amba, she use to dance garba (a folk gujarati dance) in navratries all night long, and one king forced her to marry him as he was impressed by her beauty, she told him that he is avtar of maa amba he should loos the desire to marring her but all king of stories have heavy testicles, he forced her, so maa amba went angry and collapsed 3/4th of mountain into earth along with her , but lord Shiva appeared and hold her calm her, that king apologized to her and then thing went same to normal, well in gujarati 1/4 is called PAV and since that mountain remain only 1/4 above mother earth, since then this mountain is called PAVAGADH,
                                                       here born the stupidity
my child hood belongs to Gujarat since i can remember i m playing garba in navaratries, so i m deeply found of playing garba, but as i grew up went into studies it has been like 6 years i have not played garba, and when last year i went to pavagadh and heard the maa amba use to play garba like crazy i thought i wish i could play garba with maa amab, with here i would have played non stop garabs for 9 days, can u imagine me playing garba with maa amba it sounds so stupid, it cant happen any time 
                                                        its really not stupidity 

\well to some of it will sound really stupid but it nothing my desire to play garbas, it something i use to do with my full heart during my child hood, and i never wanted to lood this habit of my child hood, i always loved dance, and with garbas only my love for dance started, so what ever , i ever got to dance with maa amba or not which i want to , but i just want to garba this navratri  :) 

THE SECRET OF MY LOVE

                              can u love some one so much that u are resist to fall in love

 

yae thats my thought of the day, some asked me how canu be so sure that u will never fall in love to love some one, i said dear frnd i want to love some one like all do, but i want to love till eternity, i cant bear the separation which is the if ur unlucky is the probable  essence of love, i asked him the same question

                               do u want to love some one to be apart from her

 

he he can say, no one want to be apart form his love, and in my case i feel so deep for my soul mate that i can express in words and i cant loos her even if i m not yet physically met her, so u understand how crazy i m in love i m afraid of the post consequences of love and thats my reluctance for to fell in love with some one

                                                           love of my life

 

the very first love of my life are my parents rather to say it my mom, i know no one can make me apart from her so i love her more then my life, i loved them more than my life

 

my second love is my brother, i love him so much i cant see him getting hurt, her was the reason for the first time i felt like loving some one, i was 2yrs when he was a baby and looking at him i got the very first feeling 'to care'

 

then my sister, she is the only girl presently i can die for no reason ;) (figure of speech, understand the feelings ;))

 

then my cousin i hate so much myself for hating him :(

 

                                                      finally the love i lost

it was my dong i lost 2 years ago, it was the very first time i felt the pain of being apart, i cant have him back i cant see those eye back, i cant touch him again, I CANT LOVE HIM AGAIN COZ HE IS GONE FOREVER

                  

   " this feeling of not be able to love again make be resistane to love, i want to love like forever"

it will always remain secret to her

something are meant to be secret for ever and it the best of all of us, well starting with my day my day started with an end i use to wonder y most of the writers use those type of line 'it started with an end' today i knew those line are priceless if used at right time.So it started with an end, i was about to sleep and my one of my best frnd msged me to chat with her, yae HER i not too use to chat with specially HERS but i have one frnd who is grl, so i knew she was in relationship but i confirmed to her then, we had a deal long back ago to sahare our first love with each other it sounds too filmy i know but raj itself so fimly name lol, so she kept her promise asking me to do the same, but she have to wait for too long for me to fell for first love of my life, it was a long and nice chat, i like her it was like 3 am till we chat and we both felt a sleep and this how my day stared,
i had a quize the very same day it means today it went no so well 
today another vampire diare will come out,  i m the first one to download it from net :) well i m downloading master of my wing it was awsome and finally listing to a romantic devotional song i went for my after noon nap, and still it will be a big secret to her about my first love 
i m confused with first love, i have my first love to my parents, to my mom for me love is to care , i dont think this feeling like i have for my parents which i call love will change is i ever met my soul mate, i will feel with that same feeling of care to her, SO ITS THE FIRST LOVE I M CONFUSED WITH CAUSE THE SAME FEELING OF CARE I HAVE FOR HER 

ITS A REBEGINING

today i gave my 2nd gate exam, well i had no meaning for it now but i want to see where i stand in this competitive world, and i got my answer i lick the bottom rather i m below the ground level, but what the hack i dont care cos i have not started running yet, and the moment i will start i think, i will run better , yae here too that probability of not happening occurs but i will make it happen for her, i dont love her but she  the one i really want to impress these days .
Yea u heard it right i have a girl in my life these days but the interesting part is she have no idea, and the twist is i have no intention of love or giving the so call 'commitment' to her my commitment is to my parents, but she is my kind a girl, and i wana to impress her but, i have unknowingly screwed so much that i have to strive a lot to her, but she inspires me thats my motive, sometime i really wana to be with her .....
                            ''tare ankho mai ek ajab se gahrai hai, ban kae jazba ab tu samae hai, 
                              paa nae ke to chahat nahe rakh ta, magar is duniya mai ek tu he bhaai hai, "